To my daughter's stepmom: I never wanted you here, but thank you
4 hours ago
To my daughter’s stepmom:
I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you.
I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my daughter. I bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother, you thought it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you married your husband. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.
But God has plans that far exceed our own. When my little family dissolved to form two families, I knew you would be coming.
In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my daughter would not want you to mother her at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi-unattractive and prayed my daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best. I did not want to face the fact that another woman would mother my child in my absence.
Then you arrived.
You weren’t what I had in mind. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a sweet, young woman.
My plans were foiled.
I realized from the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard for you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planning on really hating you. Why were you ruining my plan?!
I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible, and I quickly grew thankful for you.
You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, and that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included ourdaughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours, and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.
I knew when her daddy and I decided to divorce and live in separate homes there would be times when she would need her mommy and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence. I’m grateful that you have mercy on her teen years and never reject her. She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her.
You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with her. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.
Our daughter will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents, and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has four parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it, and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.
She’s excited to call you and tell you her stories when she’s at my house, and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy. I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.
I know what it looks like when a mother cannot accept her child's stepmother in their life. Gratitude pours from me that we are able to do what is truly right for our daughter. Thank you for being mature enough and respectful enough to co-parent with me.
I promise to always respect your input for our daughter. I promise to never minimize the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life who have the courage to mother her together. I pray she is never in our situation — even though it is peaceful — but if she ever finds herself here, I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like.
Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem. God bless you and I love you.
A version of this post was first published on Candice Curry's blog, Women of Worth. You can follow Women of Worth on Facebook and Twitter.
3 hours ago
The cost of day care now rivals the price tag for college tuition in some parts of the U.S. and can be a “crippling burden” for parents of young children, a new report by Child Care Aware of America warns.
Day care expenses can overshadow the amount a family spends on housing, food and transportation, the analysis found.
“Because these costs come when parents are at the beginning of their careers, these significant expenses come at a time when families can least afford them,” said Lynette Fraga, the group’s executive director, in a statement.
The eye-popping figures include $16,549, which is how much parents had to pay per year on average for infant day care in Massachusetts in 2013, according to the report. Or $12,280, which was the price tag for a year of day care for a 4-year-old in New York.
In fact, the average annual cost for infant day care was higher than a year’s tuition at a four-year public college in 30 states and the District of Columbia.
For parents of two children, full time day care is the highest single household expense in the Northeast, Midwest and South.
And those hefty prices don’t even “guarantee a quality environment,” the report found, noting that child care providers work in one of the most poorly-paid professions in the country.
The 10 least-affordable states for full-time center-based infant care are:
- New York
- Colorado
- Oregon
- Minnesota
- Massachusetts
- Washington
- Illinois
- Nevada
- California
- Kansas
The 10 least-affordable states for full-time center-based care for a 4-year-old are:
- New York
- Vermont
- Oregon
- Nevada
- Minnesota
- Colorado
- Wisconsin
- Massachusetts
- Rhode Island
- Maine
The rankings are based on the cost of child care as a percentage of the state median income for a two-parent family.
Almost 11 million kids under 5 go to day care in the U.S. each week, Child Care Aware of America said.
10 hours ago
In the movies, Chris Pratt is one of the "Guardians of the Galaxy." But at home, the actor cherishes a different sort of heroic role entirely — that of father to son Jack, who was born prematurely in 2012.
Pratt spoke about Jack's early struggle in a speech at a March of Dimes benefit Friday in Beverly Hills. He talked about watching that 3-pound 12-ounce newborn transform into a "strong, smart, happy, funny, beautiful boy." (Beautiful was never in doubt, with Pratt as a dad and actress Anna Faris as a mom.)
When he was born, said Pratt, he was the size of "a decent-sized bass," reported Variety. (That's the fish, not the instrument.)
He added, "I've done all kinds of cool things as an actor — I've jumped out of helicopters and done some daring stunts and played baseball in a professional stadium, but none of it means anything compared to being somebody's daddy."
After birth, Jack had to stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive-care unit), and his parents learned he might have special needs and require cosmetic surgery on his eyes. His dad would visit him in the unit and recalled, "I made promises in that moment about what kind of dad I wanted to be, and I just prayed that he'd live long enough that I could keep them."
Today, Jack is growing up strong. He now likes "monster trucks and 'Daniel Tiger' and, believe it or not, loves vegetables," said Pratt. "Broccoli and cherry tomatoes are his favorite foods."
Pratt credited the work of the March of Dimes — which advocates for the health of mothers and children — for doing the research that has helped Jack become the boy he is today.
"None of what we went through would be as easy even 10 years ago," he said, adding that life in NICU is a balancing act, "a balance that's tipping toward life by cutting-edge medicines, much of which is a direct result of this wonderful organization, the March of Dimes."
The March of Dimes was founded in 1938 to help eradicate polio. It was started by one of polio's most famous sufferers, President Franklin D. Roosevelt — whose face is on the dime.
Friday's event raised over $1 million.
